we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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