I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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