Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
