There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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