exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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