I wish my penis had an off switch
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
