Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
