The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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