What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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