Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
