So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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