You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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