I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
