I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
