I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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