That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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