I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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