At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
