Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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