so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
