I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
