New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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