just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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