I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
