Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
