So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
