"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
