the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
