and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
