yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
