She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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