is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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