marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This toilet bowl is my home.
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