dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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