Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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