Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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