Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
