Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
