A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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