best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
