Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
