You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
