How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
