peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
