I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
