Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
