Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
