You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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