I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
