At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
