I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
