I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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